He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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