i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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