Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
