Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
