I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So many bounce houses so little time
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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