thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
