I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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