exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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