hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
