Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
