He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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