i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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