What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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