How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
