I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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