She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
