worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My penis needs a shock collar
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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