he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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