Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
