I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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