Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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