Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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