apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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