I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high