Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's shark week go big or go home
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?