Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cut my penus on the lid.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.