New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.