just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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