Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
