naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
