fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
