I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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