I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
