I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
