I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
