So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
