it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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