so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
