So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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