i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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