if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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