Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
