It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Randomize
