I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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