textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
