Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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