come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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