if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
