Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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