Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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