I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
