meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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