Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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