So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
