Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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