Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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