carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
