First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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