and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize